Tag: better mental health

This article originally appeared in Macaroni Kid on October 21, 2020, by Luanne Starr Rhoades, LCPC, LADC, CCS; Health Affiliates Maine. 

Question:  My son is 11 and has some significant behavioral issues including outbursts of anger, aggression, and yelling. We have been working hard with him on coping skills when he feels angry and this has helped some. He has been asking for a dog for a couple of years now. My husband thinks it could be a good time to get one and have our son work toward a dog by showing good behavior. I’m on the fence. Though I think it could be a motivator, I worry he would digress after we got a dog. If I am honest, I also am a little wary that he could show aggression toward the dog. He does now with my husband and me. I would appreciate some advice.

Answer: Both you and your husband have made some good points. Under any circumstances, adding a pet to the home takes a family commitment of time, energy, money, and affection. This is a long-term commitment that can pay off in lots of shared joy. 

A dog could be very therapeutic for your son. Pets love and accept us, without judgment, unconditionally; they are reliable and loyal. Pets can teach children many great and valuable lessons. Your son can learn responsibility to provide for the dog’s needs of food, water, exercise, play, and grooming in turn for endless love and affection. Pets help a child experience caring for another, a lifelong lesson in empathy.   

Before any of this happens, however, you and your husband need to come together to work on communication and an agreement about behavioral expectations, rewards, and consequences, both for current behavior and for future behavior with the dog. A dog is not going to immediately solve the aggressive behaviors you are currently seeing. As you alluded to, some children can turn that aggression on a pet. This can be serious and needs professional attention if it occurs.

Anger, aggression, and yelling is concerning, and it is also concerning that he is acting out aggressively toward you. Finding the source of his anger and frustration is extremely important. As with the check engine light on the dashboard of your car, his behavior is signaling unmet needs or underlying emotions that he is having trouble expressing in healthy ways. I am glad that you are helping him with coping skills. Seeking counseling for your son can be another way to help him learn to express and deal with distress before it turns aggressive. A counselor can also help him talk about what might be making him angry and afraid (fear is often covered up by anger). Family counseling can also give you and your husband tools to help you help your son so he can grow up happy with his dog.

 

Luanne Starr Rhoades, LCPC, LADC, CCS is a professional counselor and the Outpatient Therapy Director at Health Affiliates Maine.

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Q: Why do you do this work?
A: I like that there is more of an overall wellness focus in this role and that treatment is focused on the whole person. I like that this program specifically looks at mental and physical health as intertwined because, as a nurse, I know that those two parts of us influence one another. Behind that is my passion for supporting those working through mental health needs. I enjoy teaching people and speaking to people in down-to-earth terms. Sometimes medical jargon gets overwhelming, and I like being the bridge that can help someone understand their medical needs.

Q: What can you bring to clients/families that is unique to your role?
A: We all have different life experiences and I can bring mine to the table. I have worked in medical and mental health settings, so I am able to work within both. I can help clients navigate the healthcare system in a way that supports their mental health growth.

“I feel like I’ve done my best work when a client can hang up the phone feeling
rejuvenated and ready to tackle their goals.”
– Deb M.

Q: What is one thing you want clients/families to know about your role?
A: I am here to support them. I can be a resource at any stage of someone’s wellness journey. I can be an educator, a helper, or a sounding board. I follow the client’s lead and help them make wellness goals that make sense for them.

Q: What are some examples of things you would do with a client/family during a typical meeting?
A: There are many things that I can do to help. For example, I often talk with clients about their wellness goals and provide them with education to help them reach those goals. This might be talking about strategies for accessing activities to be more active or discussing small changes they can make to their daily routine to live a healthier lifestyle.

I can also help them understand what their doctors are saying. If a client is told they have a new diagnosis or need a procedure and they don’t know what it means, they can call me, and I can help explain it to them. I can’t diagnose or treat the client, but I can help them understand. I can also provide emotional support. For example, if someone is trying to quit smoking and is having a hard day, I want them to give me a call so we can talk through the craving.

Q: What is your favorite part about being in this role?
A: I love to communicate and interact with clients. I enjoy being a motivator and helping clients figure out how to meet their goals. I feel like I’ve done my best work when a client can hang up the phone feeling rejuvenated and ready to tackle their goals.

Q: If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
A: I would have a magic wand that could take away all of people’s worries and could fix everything. In this field, we always want to be able to help and a magic wand would come in handy. It would also be great to be able to do the dishes with one quick swish of a wand!

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We hear a lot about gratitude and its effects but what does it really mean and how can it help us? Gratitude is showing appreciation for what we have and the goodness in our lives. It’s giving thanks on a substantial level—it’s not superficial. An old French proverb claims that “gratitude is the heart’s memory.” By recognizing what we’re grateful for we can move forward in life with renewed spirit, optimism, and a higher quality of life. 

What are some benefits of gratitude?

Improved mood: those who focus on positive things tend to be happier overall. Surround yourself with like-minded people for a contagious gratitude side effect. It’s a win-win!  

Increased optimism: when we are happier, we also have a more positive outlook on life for ourselves and our loved ones. With a positive outlook, we’re more encouraged to take (healthy) risks and pursue our dreams.

Enhanced social bonds:when we show our appreciation for close friends and family, it not only makes them feel cherished, it reminds us of the connections we have in our lives.

Improved physical health: typically, when we’re happier and more positive about our lives, we take better care of our physical health. Exercise and eating healthier result in better sleep, more energy, decreased blood pressure, and a healthier immune system.

Connects us to a higher power: When we recognize that the source of gratitude goodness comes from outside of ourselves, it helps to connect us to other people, nature, and a higher power.

Elevates empathy: when we’re more gracious and practice showing thanks, it increases our sensitivity to others and motivates us to naturally support one another.

Better self-esteem: when we change our perspective and see the good in life, it can reduce our need for social comparisons. In today’s culture, this is highly beneficial for our wellbeing. 

Increased mental strength: studies show that gratitude can help us overcome trauma, grief and anxiety and can increase our resilience in tough situations.

Better mental health: showing gratitude can help to reduce toxic emotions like anger, resentment or jealousy. We feel more inclined to take care of ourselves by going to check-ups and attending therapy when needed. 

How can I show gratitude?

There are many ways to show appreciation in your life. For instance, we can show gratitude by reliving joyful past memories, appreciating the present and not taking it for granted, and by maintaining a hopeful attitude when looking towards our future. Here are a few approaches to try:  

·       Every day write down something that went well and why.

·       Take breathing breaks and envision something positive.

·       Create a new family ritual by explaining how gratitude makes you feel.

·       Give out genuine compliments—even if you don’t know the person.

·       Volunteer in your community.

·       Perform random acts of kindness.

·       Shift your perspective. Recognize how much you’ve grown in your life. 

·       Slow down and try to be more present.

·       Notice things and relish in the small (and big) things that bring you joy. 

 

With an unstable and stressful year nearly behind us and the holiday season approaching, it’s important now more than ever to adopt a gratitude practice into your life. Remember that it’s okay and normal to not feel grateful all the time. But when those feelings do arise, amplify your optimistic outlook and appreciation of others, and help cultivate a community of gracious, grateful people.

Sources: nationwidechildrens.org, health.harvard.edu, psyhcologytoday.com, livescience.com

 

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